Today’s post is a new twist in my series and relates to my experiences of bullying whilst being within the care system. As a looked after child it can be quite a challenge to fit in with a social circle and there always comes that time where you have to disclose your home life to your friends. Sometimes this can be a positive move with the disclosure actually bringing you closer together but other times it can cause a total separation and result in events such as playground bullying. I have experienced this on a number of occasions and I have regularly found myself in the headteachers office in a mediation session with someone who had been repeatedly calling me names due to my history. Luckily for me I still had family only a phone call away but it still felt horribly isolating to be subject to such words and occasional physical violence.
As I grew up I found this all disappeared (luckily) and I did in actual fact become friends with the person who bullied me leading to a complete turn around in his behaviour towards others. It was one day two years ago that he came to me and explained his awful history that made my insides churn with empathy for him. I could only imagine what it must’ve felt like for him and whilst it didn’t condone his actions it certainly made it more understandable. I did in fact publish a poem during anti-bullying week the same year describing the reasons that people bully. I would like to share this with you now to give you some insight into a world that is rarely publicised…
The Bully
My bruises are hidden and my mind is a mist
When I feel threatened out comes my fist
My home is a hell; my future so bleak
Cared for I’m not so attention I seek
The smells of this world are damp and so dark.
My only palace is the swings in the park
Most avoid me and I wish he would too
I would like to speak out but would it seem true?
I listen for help; from the crack in my wall
But no-one comes; they know nothing at all
I oppress others as a release of my hate
I am alone and there is no escape
Everyone else has a hand to hold
This world is so dark, so sad and so cold
Why do I have to live with anger and strife?
I am a bully and this is my life…
You see, there is a person behind the wall of anger and many people forget that…understandably so as bullying cannot and should not be condoned. I often wonder whether or not it is more likely for someone in care to be bullied or to bully themselves but I haven’t as of yet found an answer to this question. I can only describe my own experiences and this is why I have written today’s post as a way of bring attention not only to victims of bullying but the bullies themselves who are most of the time victims in their own right.
Thank you and remember to share.
Barnaby.
Sect20 